These holidays won't be wonderful
by forgetspecifics
Summary: "I hate Christmas parties," she growled, stomping up the staircase like she would when she was much younger. She knew it was bratty, and she didn't care. Tai wants to throw a Christmas party, Yang wants to throw a tantrum - but there can be only one.


This was imagined as a sad bumbleby thing, but I kinda ended up going the Yangst route - ya know, she's doing it tough!

Most of the inspiration (and some lines) are from the song 'I Hate Christmas Parties' by my bois Relient K, and it's 100% sad so if you're looking for the soundtrack this one, there you go - /relientk/music/song/i-hate-christmas-parties-7669263-98580447 (I didn't even know myspace still existed)

* * *

December arrived quickly, faster than Ruby would when Yang baked chocolate chip cookies – their favourite. Yet, this year, there was no Ruby to bake for. Nobody left but Taiyang – but cookies reminded him of Summer, and that kind of sorrow was something Yang definitely sympathised with. Not that she'd admit that to him. The same old story – what was it about the Xiao Longs that screamed "abandon me"? - sure, her father shared the loss of Raven, and they all missed Summer. He lost both his partners; now Yang had lost hers. The worst part was that Blake knew Yang was dealing with desertion, and _still_ turned tail and ran the second the shit hit the fan. But, Yang supposed, she also knew just as much that Blake had the tendency to run. Those were the kind of conflicting thoughts she hated having.

She hated how much she missed that 'lost cause' - the girl she probably insulted upon meeting, the girl that intentionally partnered up with her for (a prospective) four years _anyway_. Yes, she was kind of (completely) the opposite of any other friend she had had before. Yes, she was kind of (totally) hard to understand at first, but Yang felt that if there were any unspoken words between them before their separation, they would have been _'I get you'_. Now, she didn't know if she misunderstood the meaning of those words, or that she missed the mark all together. Things weren't the same as they were before; she actually thought that they could _all_ spend Christmas together – if Weiss and Blake had wanted to – in Patch. She was going to suggest it after the Vytal tournament; she never had the chance. She _wanted_ to see them happy and loved – they would have waited for it to snow, and when it did, it would have been so beautiful.

When she was younger, she would always cherish the moment when Ruby gleefully laughed as the snow settled on her head and melted on her tongue. She wanted to see if Blake liked the snow (she assumed the _Ice Queen_ would), and laugh when the cat Faunus would have complained of the cold and scrunched her nose as the snowflakes descended upon her cold and flushed cheeks.

Now, she was having thoughts that just made her heart _hurt_ ; the pain of loss once again reminding her how this Christmas would not be wonderful.

The absolute icing on the cake was that Ruby had left shortly after she had woken up. They had never missed spending Christmas together – not a single one – and now that was ruined too. Of course she left; she had every right and every reason to. Yang knew how utterly despondent she was, and still is; acting for the first time in her life like everything was wrong.

But it is, she thought bitterly. In less than a second, some asshole had ripped apart the world she knew and replaced it with something akin to a bad dream. A bad dream with no Ruby, no Weiss, no Blake, and no right arm. Her sullen eyes stared at the Christmas tree that had been decorated earlier in the day, obviously her father had endeavoured to go it alone – it was adorned with red and yellow gold. The colours of the Rose and the Xiao Long families; the colours of his daughters.

The golden baubles were just like Blake's bright eyes – round and shiny – the way she had last seen them, as Blake lay terrified and bleeding on the ground – Yang shook her head to try and rid herself of the mental image, but now instead of hurting, her heart felt _broken_. Yang felt completely _fucked up_ and it just wasn't fair. She remembered that _'unfortunately, the real world isn't the same as a fairy tale'_ was one of the first things Blake had said to Ruby.

Yang huffed at the irony of it all. "Yeah, no kidding." Luckily her dad wasn't there, listening to her mumble to herself like she'd gone nuts – Yang knew she wasn't crazy. Maybe just stir crazy from retreating so far into herself that she couldn't even recall what she used to be like before–

She jumped as the sound of the front door crashing open broke her out of her brooding; Taiyang was carrying all sorts of…party supplies. This was _not_ about to happen.

"Dad, no."

"Yang, yes!" He grinned at his daughter like she wasn't sending him the most intense, displeased look he'd ever seen her produce.

Tai ignored it, for he was not going to let her bad mood (okay, _mood_ was not the best word to describe whatever it was she was exhibiting) stop him at least attempting to lift her spirits.

"It'll be great! The more the merrier, right?" Tai encouraged as he hustled and bustled his armful of crap to the kitchen where it was unceremoniously dumped on the dinner table.

Yang let out a loud noise of frustration.

"I _hate_ Christmas parties," she growled, stomping up the staircase like she would when she was much younger. She knew it was bratty, and she didn't care. She didn't want to have people at their house; staring at her _ugly_ arm stump, whispering about how yet _another_ family member was missing, silently _judging_ her for breaking some 'innocent' kid's leg when they knew fuck all about what had gone on at Beacon.

She heard her father's voice drift upstairs, obviously unforgiving of her disagreement, "The party is tomorrow night, Yang. You aren't getting out of it, either!"

The sound of a door meeting its frame in a loud slam was all the response he was given.

This wasn't what Christmas was supposed to be like – what it was about. It was about safety, and family, and love. Wasn't she enough for Ruby? For Blake? She tried with every inch of herself to provide that; she thought they understood! All she could do was lean on her bedroom door and slide down to the carpet, wishing the tears brimming her eyes would stop. Two people she thought she knew were proving her wrong. Two people she thought cared about her were giving her nothing but heartache. Yang was just so exhausted, her feelings bringing her to the brink of collapse – so she resigned herself to a fitful sleep full of burning roses and wide glowing eyes.

* * *

The next morning, she was not inclined to get up. To Yang's dismay, she could hear Tai bumbling around downstairs; getting the house _presentable_ to those that would be filling it for the Christmas party. She wondered how many people that were family friends would show up, and how many _nosey_ people would be there just to snoop on her ever-unlucky dad. At that point, she actually felt regret at how she acted towards him. As much as she was dreading the experience, the poor guy was just trying to be happy – and after all that had gone wrong in his life, Yang knew she had to put up a decent front for his sake.

And, so, she steeled herself to try and fend off any lingering worries of last night.

"Come on Yang, you can do this one thing," she noted that she was talking to herself more often, "it's a far cry easier than any of the stuff you've had to do in the last year of your life…" Yang let out a breath she wasn't quite aware she was holding. Time to go.

The kitchen table had been relieved of assorted party items to make way for breakfast. Taiyang had cooked some pancakes to keep himself going in preparation and had set aside a Yang-sized portion despite said girl's shrinking appetite (he was worried, but he also knew he ate less when he was miserable too. Not that he'd say that to Yang).

As he tidied the living room, he did not hear his daughter come downstairs, but he did hear her cough lightly. Since when was Yang that quiet?

"Morning, Dad."

He smiled fondly at her over his shoulder, "Breakfast is on the table, Little Dragon. Eat up!"

"Thanks, Dad."

Yang slowly but surely ate a decent amount of the delicious meal; she wasn't that sure of her one-handed cutlery skills yet. She was also trying to ignore the voices of Nora and Ren that floated in the back of her head; for the former was the biggest fan of pancakes and the latter was the provider of them, and also quite distracting.

Once again her father's voice brought her back to reality. She hadn't noticed him in front of her. Yang smiled sheepishly at Tai, her mouth currently stuffed with food.

"Could you help me with one tiny," he emphasised 'tiny' with his thumb and forefinger, "little thing, Yang?"

She gave a small sigh. "Are you sure you need _me_ to do such a tiny," she mirrored his pose with her only remaining hand, "little thing, Dad?"

"Well, I would rather have some good company whilst decorating, than you thinking your old man just threw a party to annoy you," he shrugged, "that's all!" Back into the living room he went, humming a butchered version of a crummy Christmas carol.

Yang rolled her eyes but got up anyway; not like she had anything better to do. It would possibly be the least annoying part of throwing a party – at least she hoped it would be.

The carol humming was paused so Tai could assign the so-called 'tiny' task.  
"If you could put up our Christmas stockings Yang, I'll let you fake being tired later tonight to get out of the party early," he gestured to a box on the floor.

How very sneaky of him, Yang thought. He had already figured out a way to get her to help, attend the party, and forgive him all in one go. Maybe it _would_ be the best part of the day.

"Deal."

The elder Xiao Long then faced her with a look she couldn't quite place. It almost looked like he was masking a worried glance– oh, that was exactly what he was doing. Nevermind.

He started out with something neutral, "I know it'll be just us this year, but I still want to keep up our tradition." Yang nodded and knelt down to open up the box. On top lay a black stocking, with little bones dotted across it. Yep, they had one for Zwei – he _is_ part of the family.

"And even though they're not here, I think Summer and Ruby would still want theirs up too!" she heard Zwei give a small yip to concur with his owner.

Yang smiled fondly at the thought, even if it was a little bittersweet. "I'm inclined to agree with you on that one…" She got to work attaching them to their places on the mantle; Summer's white and Ruby's red. Funny, that Ruby ended up paired with the _queen_ of white at Beacon. If there was any colour she loved more than red, it was the colour of Summer's cloak. She sighed softly at the thought; all she ever did these days was reminisce depressingly – and of course, her father would notice that.

Tai sounded a little apprehensive; not that that stopped him, "Yang, I know that you miss a lot of people right now–"

"I don't want to talk about it," came her strangled retort. There was nothing Yang wanted more than to stop having to miss people. Because they always left her. Raven, Blake, Ruby. Her real mother didn't even come back. Why would anybody else?

"I'm _sick_ of all this talking," she muttered. Grabbing the remaining two Christmas ornaments, she affixed Taiyang's tawny coloured one farthest to the left, next to Summer's.

He looked hopeful for a moment, questioning, "you're still helping."

"We had a deal, didn't we?" It sounded more like a statement than a question.

"Yeah."

She grasped her own yellow stocking, looking inside on some uncontrollable urge. Empty – no shit, idiot – she knew that the only thing she was getting for Christmas was heartbreak. Might as well just wrap up her broken heart in a box, slap a bow on it– fuck, even bows were making her angry, god _damn_ it Blake. She told herself to just get her stupid oversized sock on the mantle – which was now slightly damp; she hadn't even realised she'd been crying – get it on there, go cry in her room. Yang jammed it on its hook haphazardly and left without a word. Instead of punching something until she was calm or her aura was weak, she would cry until she was numb. She knew it was pathetic, not even making it to noon before getting upset, but maybe this way she could become dispirited enough to survive the evening.

And, so, Taiyang watched his eldest daughter retreat, his instincts telling him to give her some space. He turned back to the mantle, knowing that Yang's fall from grace was tough on her, but that he would be there to pick her back up when she was ready.

* * *

As Yang emerged from the bathroom by evening time, the scent of something baked had reached her nostrils. She had taken a hot bath to try and relax, and it had partially worked. Her anxiety was now stemming from the worry that what she had chosen to wear would not disguise her missing arm. It was the kind of warm winter jacket that wouldn't look too odd, and definitely had long enough sleeves – but she figured most people wouldn't have known what happened to her, and she wanted it to stay that way. She also had been granted a 'get out of the party early' ticket; so at least looking cold and annoyed could be blamed on feeling under the weather. Eventually, there was nothing she could do to her outfit to make herself feel any more confident, and so she made her way down to the delicious smell wafting from the kitchen. At this point, Yang realised it was the smell of cookies – Christmas cookies. Tai had gone to the trouble of icing them too; there were trees, stars, and even snowflakes. As much as she held no grudge against Weiss, she was _absolutely_ certain she didn't want to eat a snowflake, let alone look at it.

Her facial expression must have been one of negativity, as her father placed his hand on his heart and looked genuinely worried that there was something wrong with his cookies.

"They're not that bad, are they? A guy can only do so much…"

Yang shook her head in response, "It's me, not them. They look good." She heard him sigh in relief.

"Thanks kiddo! For the record, you look good too!" She gave him a hint of a smile and an eye roll; he was just being a nice dad, after all.

As she entered the living room, Tai brought in the cookies on a plate, though he did leave some on the tray to save for later. He placed them on the table that was also filled with other finger foods, and a bowl of punch, the cups hanging from the edge of the bowl waiting to be filled. By the looks of things, it was actually quite cozy – maybe there would be less people than she had anticipated. It seemed like she wouldn't have to deal with people other than family friends from the island, her father probably told them all that considering the circumstances, she was not guilty of maiming some poor student. If there was one thing she knew for sure, it was that she was innocent.

It was at that point the guests started to arrive. Zwei had been dressed in some sort of elf costume, and he didn't care about one bit that as he gave his welcoming barks at the front door.  
Taiyang laughed a little at the bouncy Corgi, "Yeah buddy, say hello! Yang, could you hit play on the stereo? I already put the cheesy Christmas music in there," he opened up the door and spread his arms wide in welcome.

Yang fulfilled his request, and as the music started up, so did the party. The attendees were indeed, to her pleasant surprise, good people. Some friendly teachers, colleagues of Tai's at Signal, had greeted her kindly. One even whispered to her that he thought that he thought Mercury had deserved the hit she dealt him. Some had been kind enough to bring some small gifts, like the man that they bought Zwei's dog food from in town, or the woman that sold them roses (frequently). Two small young families also arrived, the three kids already being friends, quickly followed 'one of the coolest huntresses from Patch' – Yang couldn't bring herself to remind them that she wasn't _actually_ a huntress. Though she was relieved that she could focus on entertaining them, rather than mingling with the adults. They wouldn't even notice she was down one arm. The youngest boy raised his hand, like she was some sort of teacher. Yang called on him anyway, as he obviously had a question.

"Where is mister Qrow, Yang?"

She had no idea of course, "Well, dad didn't invite him because he was afraid Uncle Qrow would spike the punch," that elicited giggles from the small group. The girl, who sort of reminded her of Weiss (she was pretending not to care too much), asked her where Ruby was.

Yang forced a smile, even if she was proud of Ruby deep down, it still hurt. "My little sis is out there saving the world!" the children 'ooohed', obviously herself and her sister had become somewhat famous, enough for their parents to tell them who they were. The kids wanted to know about Beacon, but Yang knew there was a lot of sensitive information that she probably shouldn't divulge to such sweet little people. She could be brief and sate their curious appetites.

"Me and Rubes, we met lots of cool people. There's our teammates, Weiss and Blake. Our friends Jaune, Ren and Nora…and Pyrrha–"

"Pyrrha Nikos?!" they cried out in excitement, "from Pumpkin Pete's cereal?" Damn, these kids were good listeners.

"That's right. Pyrrha was one of the best people I've met in my whole life," it still was hard to believe that she was dead, Yang almost didn't believe that it had happened.

The kids were staring at her, a little uncertain, "You look sad, Yang."

"I, uh…I miss my friends." She was promptly hug attacked by the three children. They attached themselves tightly to waist, and though they were too distracted trying to comfort her to notice her lack of a right arm, she started to feel the anxiety creep up on her again.

"Thanks guys. I know what'll cheer us up!" she thumbed over her shoulder, "Christmas cookies!"  
Ushering squealing kidlets was still easy, Yang thought, feeling slightly calmer. As they got their small hands on the cookies, they scuttled off to their parents munching happily. Yang let out a monumental sigh at the food table, feeling just about at her limit. Instead of being sad, it was almost like she just didn't care anymore. Apathy was something she could be on board with.

Her father excused himself from the conversation to retrieve some more punch, realising that Yang had an air of finality about her. "Had enough, huh?"  
"The kids were alright." She'd cross her arms. If she could.

"Good, good," he ladled the liquid into his little cup, "do you want some punch?"

Yang shrugged. That, she was able to do.

"Yang, you used to love Christmas, even the dumb parties," he offered her a snowflake cookie.

He didn't understand. He should have. "Bah humbug," Yang said listlessly.

He took a bite out of the proffered cookie, "Alright, stop it. I'll cover for you."

Yang slipped through the door at the back of the living room, giving one last glance at the Christmas tree that now had taken more presents underneath its branches. Sure, the boxes were there, but she really didn't see anything at all. She exited the log cabin and lay down on the soft snow that had started to fall onto the grass sometime last night. It was thick enough to make a snow angel.

Never had Yang thought she'd have a Christmas so crappy. Or feel so crappy. But, she didn't feel guilty about feeling miserable – because sometimes, bad things just happen.

"This one's for you Rubes, take care of team Juniper. For you Weiss, a snow angel for a snow angel. And even for you Blake; I know you would have rolled your eyes at that joke. I hope you're all okay."

She got back up, headed back inside. She knew she'd never be the same person again.

Just like the impression in the snow, the angel unable to fly, Yang was a dragon missing a wing.

* * *

Just a reminder that the holidays aren't always the best times for people. I hope you're safe and happy but if not well I offer you hugs and love. This is my first RWBY fanfiction, but I love the bees to no end and felt that this was appropriate enough, and well, I also have a troubling addiction to drama and angst.

I hope to write again soon, I worked hard to get it out on time (it is xmas eve for me). I'm actually pretty happy with this one, I consider myself a slow and crappy story writer (this took 8 days) and I used to write as a teenager and it would always end up being incredibly short.

Anyway, thanks for reading, I hope you have a merry Christmas or a happy whatever!


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